Held Together by Hope

Held Together by Hope

It all started with that morning. On October 7, 2023 the sky did not break, but broke open with fear - in a land far away from home. What appeared to me as a thunder storm initially, were actually missiles crossing the Israeli sky. It had been only a month of my Learn and Earn internship and I was all excited to learn, work and explore. That morning, when sirens echoed, peace silenced. First, the ears sensed the fear, and then, the eyes witnessed the skies. With the missiles shooting up and Iron Dome answering, the sky blazed fireworks not of celebration; but of the cruel beginning of war. The beautiful blue sky that I saw the day before was covered with ugly black smoke mixed with hatred and revenge. Black smoke was the reality of darkness that was about to begin. 

We were led to a confined secret bunker which they made us believe was the safest place and I believed. I BELIEVED. It was the first ray of HOPE in that chaos. We eighteen huddled together in a little bunker with all our essentials. Eventually, it was not just the noise of missiles bombing up in the sky but the gunshots of the terrorists that had infiltrated. Panic turned to survival mode. The gunshots were becoming louder as the sun was about to set. It was the scariest thing I have ever faced in my life. We turned lights and fans off, remained motionless, and fingers crossed to not be detected. The other thing I clutched that night in total darkness was a small statue of Lord Shiva and the Nepali flag. I prayed as I never had before. I had imagined the worst, but was hoping for the best. I ruthlessly told myself that I need to survive not just for me but for my parents, my brother and my beloved ones. And within me, hope whispered louder than fear. 

I lived some of the darkest moments of my life. However, I clung to a hope that everything would work out, and I CHOSE to believe it. That belief didn’t erase the fear, instead it served as a reminder that I could still control one thing, that is HOW I RESPOND. I could either surrender to fear or keep on going on with faith. And I chose hope. This  quiet, small, but very personal decision was the seed of everything that followed. It provided me with confidence. It gave me courage. And gradually this gave me direction. After three dreadful days in the bunker, we were rescued and on the 6th day and returned to our homeland safely. My happiness knew no bounds. The smile I wore while returning was more than just relief; it carried survival, strength and gratitude.

It is really strange how in a short period of time, everything can change. One moment, I was busy pursuing my dreams in a different land as part of a learning experience thousands of miles away. The next , I fell in the midst of a war, which I did not anticipate. 

I didn’t cry. Not then. Not even now. Because what I felt more than fear was a strong will to move forward with faith. That experience did not become bitter, instead, it made me brighter. The lesson that I learned after that day was to live in the present and never be ungrateful to life.

 “Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” - Christopher Reeve, the Superman

What a beautiful line it is. 

I chose hope then. And since that moment, I’ve chosen it every day. I have directed this energy to my studies, to my research and to the people around me. During the early mornings before exams. During the endless research days in the library. And in the individual struggles against fear and doubt. People who are close to me mention  that I radiate positivity, and I think I am that way due to experiencing the difference that hope can make when there seems to be nothing left. It has made me see light so much better because I have experienced darkness. Whenever I question myself, I think back of the unthinkable and it reminds me that I can do anything. I was different through hope. It empowered me, gave me confidence and led to a self-discovered sense of clarity.

Then one day, I came across the Daayitwa-National Public Policy Fellowship and again something awakened in me. Hope knocked on that old door. I was not sure that I would be selected. I didn’t even know whether I was good enough. But I applied with faith. Eventually, I got accepted and there started a  new journey. Daayitwa gave me something strong. A group of leaders, shapers and creators. A place full of smiles, hopes and positive energy. And, wonderfully enough, at Daayitwa, I heard about a campaign called Mission Aasha. It felt like the universe was telling me that I am  right where I belong. Hope is not only a word at Daayitwa. It is a vision and a belief that young minds can grow into  strong leaders, and with appropriate policy and support, local enterprises can transform Nepal. 

This fellowship has helped me meet other people who also carry their silent forms of hope. We might be different people with different backgrounds, but it is our shared understanding that Nepal can become better, fairer and more inclusive. And that we can be on  the frontlines of that change. Today, being a Daayitwa Fellow researching on the Enhancing the Large Cardamom Value Chain for Employment-Rich Economic Growth in Nepal, I take that belief along with me. Everything  I do here, the field visits, conversations with farmers, and all my analysis, are based on a single idea -  a hope that tomorrow can be better and that people who rely on this land will be more secure. 

I have seen the worst of the world. And yet, I still choose to believe in the best of it. Because to me, hope is not fragile. Hope is fierce. Hope is action. And so, to whoever is reading this, I leave you with this, 

Even in the darkest of times, never stop choosing hope.

Because when you choose hope, everything changes.